Xelloss: Welcome to Cooking With Lina! Now, here's your host LINA INVERSE!
Lina: Thanks Xelloss. Been up to much mischief?
Xelloss: Damn right. Ha ha ha ha ha.
:: Xelloss disappears::
Lina: Riiiiiiiiiight. Now, today we'll be cooking up a roast chicken. Mmm...chicken.
Gourry: So Lina, how're we going to prepare this culin...killin...cullin...
Lina: What's a matter?
Gourry: I can't read the cue card.
Lina: (reading) Culinary delights.
Gourry: (nodding) That's it.
Lina: Anyway...Here are our ingredients. Chicken, tomatoes, salt, pepper, and other secret spices. Now first--
Gourry: Is the chicken done yet?
Lina: No Gourry. We haven't even started yet.
Gourry:d D'oh. I want my chicken now!
Lina: Now first--
Gourry: What are you doing?
Lina: I'm about to roast a chicken.
Gourry: Really? Is it done yet?
Lina: (frustrated) You want the chicken to be done now?
Gourry: Well...yeah.
Lina: You sure?
Gourry: Um...yeah?
Lina: Great here you go...CHICKEN SLAVE!
::The set is smoldering as Gourry stands charred and smoking::
Audience: BAM!
Lina: Ta da! Chicken fit for a king!
Phil: Really?
Lina: Yare, yare!

~Zap~

Zel: Hello. Welcome to Mild Kingdom. I'm your host, Zelgadis. How are you all today? Today we'll be studying the wild and elusive...tree squirrel. Thrills and chills. (shouts offstage) Look, I can't do this any more--I quit!

~Zap~

Phiria: Hello, welcome to the Six o'clock News at Ten--I'm Phiria.
Xelloss: Hi Phiria. Our top story tonight is a secret. (pauses, turns to Phiria) Phiria?
Phiria: ...um...yeah...How about that weather Xelloss?
Xelloss: It's a secret.
Phiria: Traffic?
Xelloss: A secret.
Phiria: Upcoming stories later tonight?
Xelloss: (opening his mouth)
Phiria: Wait! Consider this: If you say "it's a secret," I will mace the HELL out of you. Now, how about those upcoming stories?
Xelloss: They are... Let me put it this way, I know them, but I'm not telling.
:: Phiria smacks Xelloss in the back of the head and he sticks his tongue out at her, then disappears::
Phiria: (ranting) I just wanted a legitimate news program. Is that so wrong?

~Zap~

Regis: It's Who Wants To Be A Millionaire! Here is our first contestant! Gourry Gabriev!
Gourry: Where am I?
Regis: Ha ha ha! This guy is a riot.
Gourry: Who are you?
Regis: Now Gourry, are you ready?
Gourry: For what?
Regis: For the questions.
Gourry: What questions?
Regis: (aside) I told you folks he was funny.
Gourry: Who are you talking to?
Regis: Lets begin. For one hundred dollars: What is the opposite of an apple?
Gourry: A squirrel?
Regis: Let me offer you some choices first. A) an orange B) a grape C) a pumpkin or D) a cucumber.
Gourry: (thinking hard) Hmm... huh...hmm... huh...? What was the question?
Regis: You still have your lifelines.
Gourry: (clueless) That's good to know.
Regis: What is your final answer?
Gourry: Hmm...ah...
Regis: Is that your final answer?
Gourry: Um, okay.
Regis: You are correct for one hundred dollars.
Gourry: Oh, okay. Can I go now?
Regis: You want to take your hundred dollars and leave, when you could have one million?
Gourry: Good point. I'd hate to look stupid.
Regis: (dryly) Heaven forbid. Now, for two hundred dollars--
Gourry: Hey! You said it was for a million!
Regis: We have to work up to a million.
Gourry: Oh. Okay.
Regis: Now, for two hundred dollars, in the legendary comedy routine, 'who' was on first? A) What B) Who C) When D) Where.
Gourry: What?
Regis: Is that your final answer?
Gourry: Is what my final answer?
Regis: What.
Gourry: Is what my final answer?
Regis: Is 'what' your final answer?
Gourry: To what?
Regis: THE QUESTION!
Gourry: WHAT QUESTION?
Regis: Who's on first?
Gourry: I don't know, who?
Regis: Is that your final answer?
Gourry: Is what my final answer?
Regis: I thought that who was your final answer.
Gourry: Who?
Regis: IS THAT YOUR FINAL ANSWER?
Gourry: TO WHAT?
Regis: To the question!
Gourry: What question?
Regis: The question that I asked.
Gourry: When?
Regis: Is that your final answer?
Gourry: To the question who's on first?
Regis: YES.
Gourry: I told you I don't know. Why don't you ask him?
Regis: Ask who?
Gourry: Whoever is on first.
Regis: Whoever isn't an option.
Gourry: To what?
Regis: The question!
Gourry: WHAT QUESTION?
Regis: WHO'S ON FIRST?
Gourry: Who's on first?
Regis: CORRECT! FORGET IT, YOU JUST WON A MILLION DOLLARS!
Gourry: Hold on, I thought you said that question was only worth two hundred.
Regis: I lied to ease your stress.
Gourry: What stress?
Regis: ARG! GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE!
Gourry: Who are you talking to?

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