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Slayers Library -> Humor -> The Slayers Virus, by Esther

The Slayers Virus, by Esther

The Lina Virus:

The Lina Virus usually infects computers with large amounts of files. It quickly eats up triple portions of disk cache to replicate itself by creating more infected .exe files, which it sends to other computers on the network. It then steals passwords and other treasure-troves of important information from those computers and copies them onto its host hard drive. It is usually found with the Gourry Virus, although these viruses often steal each others' infected .exe replicators. The Lina Virus is especially destructive when it runs out of .exe files to corrupt, when it is provoked by anti-virus software or other viruses, or when it detects "bandit.dll", whereupon it spins the hard drive until it burns using the accompanying file, "fireball.vbs", which it places in the c:/windows/system directory. Any attempts by the Shaburanigdo, Fibrizo, or DarkStar Viruses to destroy it result in the Lina Virus calling "gigaslave.exe", which eradicates the offending viruses, destroys the boot sector of the hard drive, or causes the Lina Virus to morph into a variant of the L-Sama Virus. It can be rendered harmless by running the file "koala.vbs", or with a combination of the Zelgadiss Virus and the Time of the Month Virus.


The Gourry Virus:

Like the Lina Virus, the Gourry Virus usually infects computers with large amounts of files. It quickly eats up triple portions of disk cache to replicate itself by creating more infected .exe files, which it sends to other computers on the network. It is usually found with the Lina Virus, although these viruses often steal each others' infected .exe replicators. Otherwise, when the Lina Virus is present, the Gourry Virus protects it from other harmful viruses with the help of "swordoflight.dll". If "swordoflight.dll" is not present due to the Jirasu Virus, will attempt to use files like "fish.dll" and "squeakyhammer.dll", but with little success. The Gourry Virus also deletes long document files from the hard drive once they have existed longer than fifteen minutes, returning a memory error and requesting the user for another copy of the destroyed files. Can be rendered harmless with the file "odango.exe" or whenever the Lina Virus calls the file "dillbrand.exe", which will cause it to become temporarily dormant.


The Ameria Virus:

The Ameria Virus is a descendant of the Phil Virus, and can be a royal nuisance to its victims. It plants the file "justice.exe" in the windows/system directory, and constantly runs this program, which generates error messages that display the text "Life is Wonderful". The Ameria Virus has a variant Word macro virus, W97_Ameria, which randomly places the same text in documents with the extension .doc. The Ameria Virus only resides in the highest levels of the computer's file structure and is therefore easily detected. It delivers its payload, however, when it detects evil activity on the part of the user, whereupon it "falls" into lower levels of the file structure and calls the accompanying file "ratilt.vbs" to eradicate all files that it sees as involved with the unjust activity. If the Zelgadiss Virus is present, both can call "ratilt.vbs" and destroy the boot sector of the hard drive. This virus also destroys files when the Zelgadiss Virus uses "miwan.dll". No virus of the Mazoku family will infect a computer infected with the Ameria Virus, since it is a perky virus that cannot be rendered harmless unless the user repents of his/her evil ways.


The Zelgadiss Virus:

The Zelgadiss Virus is a surly virus that roams computer networks searching for "clairbible.dll" and "cure.exe". It calls "ratilt.vbs" (sometimes together with the Ameria Virus) to destroy the boot sector of the hard drive if no matching files are found, or causes the operating system to lock up like a rock if it detects that the Rezo Virus has infected the same computer. If it finds the Lina Virus on the same computer as the Time of the Month Virus, it will cease all replication of the Lina Virus, leaving it uncharacteristically temporarily harmless. If the Vrumugan Virus is present, it will search for and attempt to delete the Eris Virus, but will not succeed. It will also immediately call "ratilt.vbs" or "fireball.vbs" when the Xelloss Virus is present, thereby wiping out any files in the same directory as the offending virus. The Zelgadiss Virus will cease its search and become mostly harmless when it finds the file "coffee.dll", whereupon it simply runs in the background without disturbing anything until it is provoked by another virus.


The Sylphiel Virus:

The Sylphiel Virus is a mostly harmless and sometimes helpful virus that protects infected systems from lower-lever viruses. It places itself deep within the file structure along with the file "blessblade.exe" and does not move out of this location until the Gourry Virus appears. From there, it attempts to help the Gourry Virus replicate itself by shielding it from anti-virus software. When the Lina Virus calls "gigaslave.exe", the Sylphiel Virus attempts to stop it, and then repairs any damage done to the Lina Virus or its copies. The Sylphiel Virus only becomes destructive when the file "dragonslave.exe" is present, whereupon it attempts to eliminate the Fibrizo Virus using that file.


The Rezo Virus:

At first, the Rezo Virus was not considered a virus. It was first thought to be a helpful little program that would repair files that had been corrupted for various reasons. However, once the Rezo Virus infects a computer that has already been infected by the Shaburanigdo Virus, it morphs into a virus that blindly begins overwriting sectors of the hard drive with garbage. It will only cease doing this when the file "philosopherstone.dll" is present, whereupon it morphs again into a version of the Shaburanigdo Virus, and attempts to wipe every file from the hard drive. At that point, it can only be stopped by, ironically, another virus, specifically the Lina Virus. When the Lina Virus uses "swordoflight.dll", a file found on computers which also contain the Gourry Virus, it eradicates the Rezo/Shaburanigdo Virus, but only if the Zelgadiss Virus has also infected the computer. If all of these conditions are not met, the hard drive will be wiped clean. Just before the Rezo/Shaburanigdo Virus is eradicated, it deposits a file in the c:/windows/system directory which can be later used by the Eris Virus to create the Kopii Rezo Virus.


The Eris Virus:

The Eris Virus uses a file left behind by the Rezo Virus to create the Kopii Rezo Virus. It then creates the directory c:/sairaag if the Sylphiel Virus has not already done so. Then, it uses the user's Microsoft Outlook address book to mail wanted notices for the Lina, Gourry, and Zelgadiss Viruses to each person on the list. This virus is unique in that it takes parts of different types of files, including .vbs, .com, and .exe files and merges them together, creating chimera files with the extension .chm. It will do this until the hard drive is full or until it runs out of files. It directs the Vrumugan virus to spawn new copies of itself whenever the Lina and/or Gourry Viruses are present. It should be noted that the Eris Virus is completely harmless until the Rezo Virus is eliminated and it creates the Kopii Rezo Virus, which then turns on its creator and deletes it.


The Vrumugan Virus:

The Vrumugan Virus is only found paired with the Eris Virus. With the help of the Eris Virus, it infects .exe files and uses them to replicate itself all over the hard drive. The original then disappears while several copies take up residence in the c:/sairaag directory, which is usually created by the Sylphiel Virus but can also be created by the Eris Virus. Each clone, together with the Zangulus Virus, constantly tries to move the Lina and/or Gourry Viruses to the c:/sairaag directory. The clones repeatedly call "freezearrow.dll", which tries to eliminate the Lina Virus, but fails. This virus can only be eliminated after the Zelgadiss Virus attempts to delete the Eris Virus.


The Kopii Rezo Virus:

Initially, the Kopii Rezo Virus contains the same virus signature as the Rezo Virus, and can often be mistaken for the Rezo Virus at first glance. Further inspection, however, reveals that unlike the initial stages of the Rezo Virus, the Kopii Rezo Virus does not attempt to repair files. Instead, the Kopii Rezo Virus takes up residence in the c:/sairaag directory until the Lina, Gourry, Zelgadiss, Ameria, and Sylphiel Viruses infect the computer. Then, it destroys the c:/sairaag directory, ruthlessly deletes the Eris Virus, and, together with the Zanaffar Virus, attempts to wipe the hard drive faster than the original Rezo Virus. It can be eradicated only when the Lina Virus calls "blessblade.exe", a file that is hidden deep within the file structure by the Sylphiel Virus.


The Zangulus Virus:

The Zangulus Virus is usually packaged with the Eris and Vrumugan Viruses, but can also be found alone. If it infects a computer together with the Vrumugan Virus, the two viruses will attempt to move the Lina and Gourry Viruses to the /sairaag directory, unless no such directory exists. In that case, the Zangulus Virus replicates itself and searches throughout networks of computers until it finds a copy of the Gourry Virus, whereupon it tries to delete the Gourry Virus using "howlingsword.vbs". For unknown reasons, it seems to stop shortly after the first few attempts begin, until a showdown between the two is triggered. At that point, the Gourry Virus will neutralize the Zangulus Virus, but the latter will lurk on the hard drive until the Fibrizo Virus infects the computer. The Zangulus Virus becomes harmless when the Martina Virus is present.


The Martina Virus:

The Martina Virus will try to take over the network by replicating itself and emailing copies by the name of "golem.exe" to everyone on a user's Microsoft Outlook address book. It attempts to keep the Ameria Virus in the c:/xoana directory, but fails as soon as the Lina Virus appears. From there, it does to the Lina Virus everything that the Lina Virus does to the infected system. For example, if a copy of the Lina Virus corrupts the last 256 bytes of an .exe file, the last 256 bytes of that copy of the Lina Virus will become corrupted. The Martina Virus ceases all harmful activity when the Gourry, Zelgadiss, or Xelloss Viruses infect the computer, but generally the Martina Virus makes a nuisance of itself until it and the Zangulus Virus move to the c:/xoana directory and become mostly harmless.


The Xelloss Virus:

The Xelloss Virus is a peculiar variety of the Mazoku family of viruses, and no one knows exactly what its true function or purpose is. At times, it appears to assist the user by means of helpful tips, which it displays when the computer is booted up. Some of these tips, however, contain bogus advice that only cause trouble for the user. The Xelloss Virus also helps the user when it uses the accompanying files "demonblood.dll" and "burstbomb.exe" to eradicate any lower-level viruses that attempt to infect the computer. Part of its payload, however, is to move one thousand files into a directory it creates, the c:/golddragon directory. It then deletes c:/golddragon and all files within it. When the Filia Virus is present, it moves quickly from sector to sector on the hard drive while the Filia Virus violently destroys all files saved in and around those sectors. It appears and disappears from the hard drive randomly while keeping a log of what the Gaav and/or Valgaav Viruses do. Most of the time that it is present, it seems to innocently operate in the background until the Lina Virus infects the computer. At that point, anti-virus software will recognize it as a virus of the Mazoku family, but will not be able to eradicate it. No one knows its programmer's true intent, so caution is advised when handling this potentially powerful virus.


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Slayers Library -> Humor -> The Slayers Virus, by Esther


"Slayers" is copyright H. Kanzaka / R. Araizumi. Original ideas, artwork, and text present on this page are copyright Esther Nairn, unless otherwise noted. No reproduction is allowed without express written or emailed permission. Violators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.