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Slayers Library -> Humor -> "The Real Valgarv," Slayers Song Parody by Esther

"The Real Valgarv," Slayers Song Parody by Esther


"The Real Valgarv" by Esther Nairn
(Song parody of "The Real Slim Shady" by Eminem)
Click here to listen as you read,
using the Library's MidiBox!
May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Valgarv please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Valgarv please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here...

Y'all act like you never seen a half-breed before
Sprawled all on the floor like Arumace just burst in the door
and started in on me, on me worse than before
We first met afore, when my anger it burned and burned

Against Lina Inverse--"Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,
she didn't just say what I think she did, did she?"
And Gaav-sama said--nothing you idiots!
Gaav-sama's dead, Fibrizo bumped him off!

All the Slayers hate Valgarv (chigachigachiga) "Valgarv, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walkin around followed by Mazoku
Yeah, followed by you-know-who," "Yeah, and he's so cruel, too!"

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse than what's goin on in Ancient Dragon tombs
Sometimes, I wanna get on out there and just let loose, but can't
but it's cool for Lina Inverse to give Gaav-sama the noose
"My sword is in your arm, my sword is in your arm"
And Gaav was unlucky, she just did it a little harm

And that's the message that we deliver about mayhem
And expect people not to know what a Giga Slave is
Of course they gonna know what L-sama is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Clair Bible don't they?

"We ain't nothing but humans..." Well, some of us aren't human
and cut other dragons open like cantaloupes
And if we can kill Ancient Dragons like animals
then there's no reason that I shouldn't blow up this world and rebuild it
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Lina wave your magic spells, sing the chorus and it goes

I'm Valgarv, yes I'm the real Val
All you other Valgarvs are just imitating
So won't the real Valgarv please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

I'm Valgarv, yes I'm the real Val
All you other Valgarvs are just imitating
So won't the real Valgarv please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

Fibrizo don't gotta kill Lina Inverse to destroy this world
well I do, so curse him and curse you too!
You think I really care about this world?
Half the world can't even stomach me, let alone stand me

"But Val, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"
Why? Cuz you guys would just die and disappear?
So you can scream your death scream so I can hear?

That dragon Filia better switch me diapers
so I can sit next to Jirasu and Elrogus
and hear 'em argue over who broke her prize vase first

Filia, put me on the job I should be
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's gonna kill Lina, hee-hee!"
I should find her and make her crawl on her knees
and show the whole world how Lina Inverse begs for mercy

I'm sick of you little girl and boy group, all the Slayers do is annoy me
so I have been sent here to destroy you
There were a million of us just like me
Ancient Dragons like me; who didn't give a care like me
who were attacked like me; shot, stabbed and hurt like me
who could have been the next best thing but not quite me!

I'm Valgarv, yes I'm the real Val
All you other Valgarvs are just imitating
So won't the real Valgarv please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

I'm Valgarv, yes I'm the real Val
All you other Valgarvs are just imitating
So won't the real Valgarv please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only givin you
things only Xelloss and the Greater Beast should know about
The only difference is I got the guts to say it
in front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all

I just merge with DarkStar and hit it
and whether you like to admit it I just spit it
better than ninety percent of you Mazoku can
Then you wonder how Xelloss chases me around the whole town

It's funny; cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm reborn
I'll be the only person in the nursery working
And lurking and waiting for my chance to destroy Lina
And I'm working but this whole reborn baby thing isn't working

And every single person is a Valgarv lurkin
He could be workin at pott'ry shop, plottin his next move, he is
Screaming "Mazoku and dragons
and humans--they're all the same"
with his wings out and his sharp claws up

So, will the real Val please stand up?
Try to destroy this world with each hand up?
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

I'm Valgarv, yes I'm the real Val
All you other Valgarvs are just imitating
So won't the real Valgarv please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

I'm Valgarv, yes I'm the real Val
All you other Valgarvs are just imitating
So won't the real Valgarv please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

Ha ha
Guess there's a Valgarv in all of us
Let's all stand up


Please do not repost or reproduce without permission.

Slayers Library -> Humor -> "The Real Valgarv," Slayers Song Parody by Esther


"Slayers" is copyright H. Kanzaka / R. Araizumi. Original ideas, artwork, and text present on this page are copyright Esther Nairn, unless otherwise noted. No reproduction is allowed without express written or emailed permission. Violators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.