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Slayers Library -> Humor -> Slayers Fight! by Xanthix

Slayers Fight!

This week:

Xelloss, the Mysterious Priest
The Ghostbusters!

We Ain't Afraid of No... Mazoku?

So far we've looked at a few of the "good guys" of Slayers. Now let's take a look at one of the villians: Xelloss, the trickster priest, secretive servant of Greater Beast Zellas Metalliom. Who to match up against the mazoku everyone loves to hate? None other than New York's own Ghostbusters! Let's see if Xelloss can escape the humiliating fate of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man!

The Slayers Favorite

The way I see it, Xelloss is a little like Barney the Purple Dinosaur - either you love him or you hate him. Now before the Xelloss fans out there burn me at the stake, let me explain! Xelloss is the sole general-priest of Zellas Metalliom. He is one of the most powerful beings in the Slayers universe, especially after Gaav's and Fibrizo's ruin. And yet, for all his power, we never know his true agenda. He delights in keeping secrets and toying with others. No one seems to really know his true power or purpose, and he's certainly not telling! So some exalt him on the pedastal of Coolness, and, in short, others think he's a fruit. But either way, he may be more than a match for 4 guys with proton packs and New York accents!

The Contenders

Speaking of the favorite foursome of the 80's, let's take a closer look at the contenders - the Ghostbusters! Peter, Ray, Winston, and of course Egon have had a lot of experience with the supernatural and paranormal, and Xelloss is clearly neither natural nor normal! (Just kidding Xelloss fans! Put down those weapons... that's a good fan club...) Anyway, the point is that the Ghostbusters have gone up against some big baddies before, including the evil Zool, Slimer, and of course Mr. Stay-Puft! Their Proton Packs do pack a whallop, and their Ghost Traps always seem to apprehend the apparition. But will their tools of the trade have any effect on a mazoku? Let's find out!

Quick Break Down:

  Ghostbusters Xelloss
Primary weapon: Proton Packs That is a secret
Transportation: Ecto-One Also a secret...
Home Base: The Firehouse Sorry, can't say!
Motto: "Who ya gonna call?" "That is a secret"

Detailed Analysis:

Okay, maybe that wasn't terribly informative... I told you Xelloss was secretive! Oh well, let's take a look at the matchup.

You can see how this one might start. Someone's there in Saillune, minding their own business, when they see something suspicious! They suspect it's just some low-level mazoku messing around, so they call 1-800-GHOSTBUSTERS to solve the problem. Trusty secretary Janine takes the call and passes it on to the guys. Within minutes, Ecto-1 comes bursting out of the Firehouse, sirens blaring and headed for Saillune. When they get there, Egon and Ray bust out the PKE-meters, looking for the offending spirit. Meanwhile, Peter will start flirting with the locals.

But little do they know that Xelloss the Mysterious Priest is watching them from a nearby rooftop! While they're unloading the Proton Packs, he's plotting to show these guys who's really going to get "busted" here! First, he'll probably try the same trick he used with Lina and the rest. He'll come strolling around a corner, introduce himself as some innocent priest, and say he's looking for the same apparition that was reported to the 'Busters. Ahhhh, but Egon's too smart for that! With a high-level mazoku standing righ there, the PKE-meter will be off the scale. So he'll blurt out some techno-jargon about a free-floating class IV specter, which Ray will translate to the more helpful, "That's our ghost!"

Perhaps Xelloss's reaction to being called a mere "ghost" will be better than his reaction to Filia's colorful descriptions of him, but it probably won't be pretty. Normally he would disappear, to return later and annoy the protagonists. But for the sake of our story here, let's assume it's Slayers Fight! time! Will the Ghostbusters get lucky and trap Xelloss in a confinement beam? Will Xelloss attack on the astral plane, or even the physical one? Is this the most ridiculous situation you've ever heard of?

Final Remarks:

Despite the creative liberties we've taken to even set up this match, you may think that the outcome was forgone before it started. All the Golden Dragons failed to best the trickster priest, and now four guys from New York are going to take him down? "I don't think so," I can hear you saying (Actually, I can hear some of you saying, "Yeah, have the Ghostbusters take out that annoying so-and-so!" But that's besides the point).

Maybe I'm stuck in the 80's, but I think the Ghostbusters have a chance in this fight. Think about it: what's the one effective weapon against Xelloss? Swords or sorcery have little effect, but Ameria's "Life is Wonderful!" speeches actually weaken him! Since mazoku feed on negative emotion, positive thinking can hit them like an attack. And how did the 'Busters come out on top in their second movie? Literally! They climbed to the top of the Statue of Liberty and rallied the positive emotions of New York to combat the negative energies their opponent was using. So, if they can find a suitable landmark to rally the people around, I think they could win this one. And if Ameria's in town, well, let's just say that Zellas Metalliom better start looking for a new purple-clad priest!

The Winner: The Ghostbusters!!

Up Next: Slimer vs. Noonsa!
(Clash of the useless sidekicks)

Have feedback, suggestions, or match/rematch requests?
Email Xanthix!

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Slayers Library -> Humor -> Slayers Fight! by Xanthix

"Slayers" is copyright H. Kanzaka / R. Araizumi. Original ideas, artwork, and text present on this page are copyright Esther Nairn, unless otherwise noted. No reproduction is allowed without express written or emailed permission. Violators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.